Lately I’ve been working on me. This is not so pretty. In fact it’s rough. I’ve been looking at my life, looking for patterns. I’m looking for reasons for my poor decisions or my equally poor reactions. Some of this is just, well; it’s just what it is: bad calls. But I keep making them, somewhat surprised every time at the outcome.
This decisions and feelings have made me think, "I don’t know myself that well." Even more interesting, the "me" I know, doesn’t line up with reality. Basically I’m saying; who I think I am has slowly but radically become a different person from who I really am.
Don’t worry; I think this story has a better ending then Primal Fear. But the point is the same; am I really being honest in how I live? Can I be, when I’m so unfamiliar with the real me?
Hence the title I’m Working on Me. I’m stumbling back to this true self. I wandering back to my beginnings and trying to straighten the crooked. I’m bringing Jesus back with me. He’s helping to correct these misadventures, these lies I have told myself for years. He’s whispering softly to me about a child he made in a womb about 23 years ago. He’s telling me who she was made to be.
These are things I haven’t thought about in awhile… who has God made me to be? It’s a question that is really obvious, I just haven’t asked in awhile. I’m not sure if the question hurt my heart, because I’m unsure sometimes if I’m living on this path. Am I becoming the person God has made me to be?
So that’s a lot. Not sure you wanted to know all that. Ha. (insert nervous laughter)…
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3 comments:
It's seems like something that we should just know, who we are. But yet are reactions and thoughts can be completely different and often contradicting themselves.
I know what you mean, the concept of self is pretty ridiculous, I can't even know someone from the outside let alone myself from the inside of my head. It is a very confusing place. Psalm 139 helped me the most when I started "working on me", just the fact that there is a Creator who has "searched me and known me", Someone who really knows whats best is a very comforting thing. Remembering to be what you were created to be is always hardest for me, "The boundary lines have fallen in pleasant places..." as Psalm 16 says. I can't be what I'm not, and I can't expect anyone else to be either. In light of these things I choose to just be and let the lines be, like I said earlier, He knows better anyway.
please explore: “Meeting One's Own "Shadow"
The man who looks into the mirror of the waters does, indeed, see his own face first of all. Whoever goes to himself risks a confrontation with himself. The mirror does not flatter, it faithfully shows whatever looks into it...
This confrontation is the first test of courage on the inner way, a test sufficient to frighten off most people..."“we must know who we are.* -- Carl G. Jung, MD. Excerpts From: Dorothy Berkley Philips. “The Choice Is Always Ours An Anthology On The Religious Way.” Richard R. Smith, 1954. IBooks
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