End Times Diorama of the Day

This diorama comes to us through the brilliant mind of Matthew Hartke. You'll see that in this depiction Dale is on the sea of glass with Steve Jobs. Our ardent desire is that he won't be offended when it's all coming down.

Green with Envy

I was sick on Wednesday, but I asked my co-workers to continue with our weekly staff meeting without me. I received these photos shortly after the meeting would have ended. This is their feeble attempt to make me jealous with their special drinks. It worked.

First eBay Purchase

This purse (or luggage as some might say, as it is quite large) is the first thing I have acquired from eBay, and I am totally head over heals for this bag. It is more amazing then I could have imagined, I fit everything into it. The actual horsebit handle makes the bag a little weighty, but that's my only real complaint. And I got a great deal. All I need is a venti caramel macchiato, a huge pair of sunglasses, some leggings and an over sized sweater, and you can call me Ashley or Mary Kate Olsen (I might also have to lose half of my body mass).

Tastes Change

I had a stunning (maybe not so stunning) revelation the other night. I realized that the way I see my life and where I see it going has totally changed. The things I wanted and thought I would be doing 6 years a go have little to no appeal. I thought I’d be in law school or getting a masters in history (which would have been fine and good), but I have no desire for it anymore. I’ve been thinking about this because several people have encouraged me lately to go be a lawyer. I just raise my eyebrows and shrug, it just doesn’t ring true anymore.

Things I thought I would never do or things I would’ve abhorred, I now find myself enjoying. It’s odd thinking about that version of me, that version being so far away from me now. It makes me glad that God knows me so well; he knows the true desires of my heart, not just what I say I want. He, being the one who made me, knows what will really make me happy, and he loves me so much he doesn’t give me my fleeting wishes, the good gifts he gives me last, they endure my fickle heart.

I’m addicted to my non-existent commute

Back at home I had to drive 45 minutes to work everyday and an hour back. I used to hate the drive, especially in the winter, where it could take two hours. Almost everybody commutes in and around Chicago. Those of us living the suburbs have to drive, as public transportation is a novelty (and also almost non-existent). I used to have to buy two or three CDs a week, just to keep my mind off my driving. I used to read in the car, and I’m ashamed to say I’ve even crocheted while driving.

Now I live five minutes from my job, five minutes from IHOP, five minutes from most stores, five minutes (if not five seconds) from all my friends. I have found in the last year and a half, I miss the drive. So in substitute, before and after work I often find myself passing my house or office and just driving in a neat circle (red bridge, blue river, blue ridge, grandview) sometimes when I have time or I need to think I find myself just driving in this circle, I’ll glance at my cell phone to see what time it is, only to note that several hours have gone by. My dearest friends know when to find me when I am upset; they call and ask “Do I need to drag you off blue river road?” It’s extraordinarily cathartic. It calms me down, it eases my mind and I find myself better able to handle odd situations.

One particularly hard week, I realized that I had been driving for several hours, so I went back to my apartment and grabbed a bag and decided to drive home for the weekend so at least I could say I went somewhere. On that trip in the middle of podunk Illinois I saw the aurora borealis (northern lights). It was amazing, I had to keep myself from driving off the road, and everyone on the road was driving with their head out the window. I’d stop looking for a few minutes but then I couldn’t help but keep turning my head to stare at this beautiful thing.

All that to say…

I have an addiction to aimless driving. I’m not sure how to stop. This is my confession of the day.

End Times Diorama of the Day

This diorama comes to you sponsored in part by Carrie, sponsored in other parts by the most fabulous birthday party ever.

For Dale's birthday we each created dioramas of Dale in different end-times scenarios. The results were fascinating.

Smile!

I think it odd when random strangers (always male, never in my experience, female) command you to smile.

I know it’s happened to other people. I’ll be just standing waiting in line or looking at product to purchase when a random stranger or employee will come up to me and say, “Smile, life can’t be that bad.” or “Smile, life isn’t that rough.” I recently thought about this odd behavior when one particularly stressful and sad week in my life, this strange “smile command” happened to me multiple times.

I realized this happens to me quite a bit. I attribute it to two things.

I often stand in thought, and while thinking I generally look sad or pensive. I don’t know why…

I’m not a big smiler. My face, at rest, I guess, looks sad.

Still, I’m miffed at this “smile command”. I think it’s presumptuous to interrupt someone’s train of thought to request of them a happier facial expression. First off, maybe I am sad, maybe I am having a rough day. Second off, a “smile command” isn’t actually going to change my day; it might actually make me sadder when I realize how sad I must look to others. Thirdly, I think it ill-legitimizes my feelings. It is saying surely life can’t be as sad as you look, when in a fact it very well might be. Life is very complicated. Fourthly, I am not and will not be a window dressing in people’s Mary Poppins fairy tale life. I’m sorry my sad face affects people adversely but it is real and it is me.

And how am I to respond to such requests? I normally look up mildly horrified and offer a weak, placating smile accompanied with an eye roll.

Not today, today I reclaimed my facial expressions as my own, today I responded, with a firm, “Actually, you have no idea what my day has been like.”

Here’s my application: First, I am going to try to look happier. Most of the time I am pretty content and I would want my face to show it. Second, if I really am sad, I’m not going to smile when commanded. I won’t be mean, but I think I’ll just stare blankly back.


Note: this diatribe is not against those who are truly compassionate and empathetic towards others. I appreciate comments like “rough day, huh?” or “hope your day goes better.” Or “I’m having a rough time too.” I am speaking strictly about odd instances with total strangers in which they command me to smile for them.