Saturday, February 17, 2007
Friday, February 16, 2007
An Historical Book Lover (part two)
I just read it and he said things I had thought and believed and it was all in one book. It was a mini revolution in my mind. He's one of my favorite authors.
My junior year of high school I got a job at a publishing house, Tyndale. That's right, they publish... The Left Behind Series. Dun dun dun dun. And while I never bought into the theology, the boatloads of books sold meant for some very large bi-annual bonuses during the years I worked there and at the age of 17, that was a dream. Some of that money I used as a down payment on my house. I loved working around books.
I quit that job to move to Kansas City, and got a job at the bookstore. Originally the job was a part time thing but through circumstances I became a manager. There are a lot of places to find a community at IHOP. I found mine in that store. It's not easy, it's hard and challenging. But I love that prayer room and what I do helps support that. Did I come here thinking that this is what I would do? No, but there is joy in doing it. Sometimes I think people wonder if you can be a "business" person and still love that prayer room? Can you be an administrator and still be an intercessor? Can you love Jesus in the midst of sales reports, scheduling, and cycle counts? It can be done, my friends. I see my friends do it every day and I am certainly challenged in it, but I am blessed to love Jesus this way.
So that's where the love of the written word has taken me.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
A Historical Book Lover (Part 1)
I grew up loving to read books. Oddly I used to cry as a small child thinking I would never be able to read on my own. My mother recalls with some amount of humor my anxiety over the prospect of illiteracy. I wasn't slow, I was just consumed with needing to read all my own. It was unnatural. I did read all on my own starting in kindergarten. I think that's pretty normal.
I became obsessed with reading. I would pour through books at a rate that astounded my parents; who to this day hate reading. I would read my favorite books over and over again. I began to read large novels in fifth grade and became obsessed with various historical fiction series that my fifth grade teacher was also reading. My parents would punish me by making me go outside and playing with the neighborhood kids. They couldn't banish me to my room, because I would read for days without leaving. I hated playing outside. I would cry and cry and cry.
So all throughout my childhood everyone joked that I should work at a bookstore or that one day I would run my own book emporium.
So ends part one. Hold on to your pants kids, this story is "to be continued".
Friday, February 09, 2007
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Bummer and Brothers
Here's a pic from my Grandma's 80th... this is the whole fam.
And this is my brother.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Any other name
That’s actually a pretty good transition. Because while I never had a strong nickname, I had a lot of different names; names that others had put on me. Here is the brutal truth, once you get past my calm, cool, kick butt exterior there is a pretty sensitive desperate girl; a girl who wonders about who she really is, not so much anymore, but up until about a year ago it was very true.
I realized that this insecurity really caused a lot of pain in my life. First off this insecurity was a total mystery to me, I had worked so hard on being confident and perfect that I thought that that was who I was. I couldn’t see the real me. I think people can cope for a while (sometime a long while) like this without seeing any big cracks. But slowly little inconsistencies begin to appear. For example: “if I’m so confident why am I so scared to meet new people?”; “Why am I so concerned about others evaluations?”; “Why am I always so anxious or nervous?”.
Then really big inconsistencies begin to appear. I found myself looking for affirmation and love in some really bad places. My desperation to be named caused me to do things that were so outside my character, so outside everything I believed about myself, against all my outspoken principles. They weren’t the actions of a confident feminist; the person that I thought I was, these were the actions of a desperate crazy person.
I remember when I first saw myself for real. I was freaking out, having a huge argument with someone I thought I loved. And I was basically begging this person to name me. Which looking back was really outrageous because this person was not in place to love another person well, much less speak into another person’s life. He pointed this out to me with a lot of emotion (and at this point a very raised voice), and he was somewhat incredulous at my ridiculous need. It was at this moment I was totally silent and a light totally clicked on in my head. I saw my inordinate need to be loved. It was horrifying; like a slap in the face. Now it reminds me of the story of the emperor with no clothes. Everyone else knew he was naked, but he was totally unaware. (I totally stole that analogy from Tracy S.)
Two years later, I can recount this story and say that this really provided the impetus to seek out healing; it really pushed me to get real. There was a reason I was so desperate, there was a reason I was using other people to define me. And you know I was empowered (after a lot of hard work) to take myself back. I work really hard at not letting other people’s names stick; I work hard to be sure that at the end of the day only Jesus defines me. I believe there are moments like this in everyone’s life; moments when you can glimpse past self-perception and really see yourself objectively. I’m glad I took the opportunity to stare at that desperate needy girl. It was the only way I could ensure that the reflection I found would one day change.
Oh and if you attempt to call me "Anderson" I probably won't respond, no matter how cute you are (again: not a challenge).
Friday, January 26, 2007
Praise Jesus, it's Friday.
Near Death Experience
They are doing some really great improvements in my hallway at work this week. There has been a lot of hammering and sawing and one unfortunate freak accident in which no one was hurt, but I saw my life flash before my eyes. The ceiling in the office across from me "collapsed" with a fairly large crash. Needless to say I was shaken up and the accounting crew called my Chicken Little for the rest of the day.
Near Roadkill Experience
I nearly hit a three legged dog. He's a neighborhood dog, which has already been maimed. I call him Tripod in my head and I nearly killed him completely this week.
Near Nervous Breakdown
I had a kind of stressful week, but thanks to my new hot pink koosh stress ball I feel 100% better. I've named it "xanax" or Xany for short.
Near Immature Response
I'm being persecuted. It's least that's how it feels lately. I've had trouble reigning in my response to my own offense. I'm offended when people don't like me, when they don't like my expression of Christianity. I'm also challenged to live it better, to make it my own, to have a real reason for my faith. That's a good thing, but it's taken me a few days to calm down and get some perspective.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Miami, Here We Come
The Bears played a fantabulous game today and are on their way to the Superbowl. Needless to say all of Rush Street will be celebrating well into tomorrow.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Children of Men - In Review
So this is a first; and there are plenty of reasons to not see this movie, but I did and I'm really glad. The basic plot is this: the world is reaching the "end", women haven't been able to have children for 18 years, and so everyone is living in hopeless chaos. And then out of nowhere a women is found pregnant. And so begins the real story, and I won't ruin it for you.
So while the movie was very apocalyptic it was also very Bethlehem. Here is this beautiful thing happening and the world is dark and evil and left to it's own devices. There is nothing innocent of colorful left. And a child is about to be born into it that could ultimately save the world from themselves.
It reminds me of anna and simeon, two people who really "saw" Jesus. They really knew who he was and they saw the mystery in his existence. As I left the theater I asked myself, "will I recognize him when he comes; will I see him for who he really is?" It's an unsettling question, it makes me uncomfortable and discontent with my life.
It was definitely a movie that will make you think about the nature of depravity, the content of hope and how one unexpected event can change the course of humanity; for the better or worse.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Duke Drama
I assume most of you have heard the story of three Duke students who have been accused of assaulting a women they hired from an escort service for a party they were throwing.
As to whether these men assaulted this woman in some way; I have no idea. I lean in that direction, but I have no real way of knowing. Is this woman a credible source of information? I say most definitely not. Will there be justice in this situation? I hope so, but I doubt it. I think at this point there is no clear indication of what happened so realistically I'm not sure justice can be served.
That's actually not what this post is about. This post is about a sixty minutes special aired this week. I didn't see the whole thing, I just saw snip-its of indignant Duke student parents. They couldn't believe that someone was "doing this" to their sons. And by "doing this" I assume they meant falsely accusing their sons of assault.
Their shock I found to be somewhat shocking. Their sons hired this woman. Their sons were at this party. I guess my thoughts are really, what do you expect? Immorality begets immorality. If you live by the sword, you die by the sword. You've made your bed, now lie in it.
I guess I kind of feel like they deserve all this scrutiny, all this drama, because you know what? Thay put themselves in that position.
Those Duke students aren't innocent one way or another; assault or not. No one walked away from that party with clean hands.
I could go farther with this and I might, but I think this is a good start.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
I love Jesus
It's a journey to bring it all back, to piece it all together correctly. This last week I found myself in front of a lot of people sharing the story of how I had lost myself or maybe how I never knew myself. It's a vulnerable story, one I have not told to many. It was difficult but wholly freeing; to be known, really known.
All this to say that the whole process reminds of how much I love Jesus. He has been so faithful to complete me, to bring me back, to find me, to mourn with me, and to heal me. He has shoved me out into the light so that I could die and find my place at the cross. He has been good to be so painful in his love towards me. He truly is the hound of heaven.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Ice Ice Party
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Times They are a Changing
What we know of other people
Is only our memory of the moments
During which we knew them. And they have changed since then.
To pretend that they and we are the same
Is a useful and convenient social convention
Which must sometimes broken. We must also remember
That at every meeting we are meeting a stranger.
- TS Elliot
I was reading TS Elliot earlier, he is a perfectly crafted writer. Not an ounce of fat exists in his work. He is really gifted in expressing how people truly feel.
At any rate, this is been something I've been thinking about. We all change so quickly and sometimes I try to "hop" back into someone's life and expect them to be just as I left them. How self-consumed is that?
Lately I've realized that people I once was really close with; now they are like strangers to me. So much has transpired and put us all in different places, both physically and emotionally. It's interesting I think; how we ebb and flow, in and out of one another.
Monday, January 08, 2007
onething finale post
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Distortions in the History of Spinning
The next morning we awoke to this sign (pictured below) attached to the wheel. No one fessed up to creating the sign.
Oh, the Anderson Christmas is such a colorful event